The Eclectic Writer

Getting Ready to March

Tonight is my graduation ceremony.  As many of you know, I earned a Master's in Fine Arts, Professional Writing in January.  This evening I will march with some of my esteemed colleagues to be "hooded" in an academic ceremony with roots many years old. 

I never did dry clean the robe and hood. In fact, I decided to just leave them safely in the plastic bag until I get to the campus tonight. They didn't look too crinkly when I peeked inside; and anyhow, if I'm crinkly tonight, certainly many others will be, too.

Yours truly is featured on the Graduates in the Spotlight page of the university's website. The usual...why I was nuts enough to do this, favorite memories, advice to new students.  You'll also see my good friend, Fletcher Dean, listed here as well. Fletch is a fellow corporate communicator, with a special talent for writing great speeches! He and I both juggled our full-time studies with our day jobs of writing words for other people.

If you'd like to check it out, click here.

Now I've got to figure out WHAT to wear under that cap, gown, and hood.  A few hours to go...any ideas? Formal, casual, wacky, crazy?

Writers' Quote of the Day

Found this one on the Pink magazine submission guidelines website:

"Writing became such a process of discovery that I couldn't wait to get to work in the morning: I wanted to know what I was going to say." --Sharon O'Brien, psychotherapist and freelance writer

Do You Dry Clean a Cap and Gown?

I picked up my cap and gown today. Getting ready for the big day -- Friday is when I walk, as they say in academic lingo. No, I don't think there will be any red carpet involved. But I will put closure on an adventure that began three years ago this August -- my pursuit of an M.F.A.

The women at Alumni Affairs (keeper of the caps) delicately handed me my cello-wrapped package.

"Congratulations," she said, sounding genuinely sincere. It was nice. I may have actually blushed.

She then handed me a book called Retire Without Worry. It was donated as a gift to the graduates. I told her thanks.

I noticed a box filled with red and blue plastic flashlights laying on the floor. They were stamped with a logo and tag line.  "University Alumni -- We won't leave you in the dark."

"Do you mind if I take two for my kids?" I ask.

I stepped out of the building and placed the sealed package containing the cap and gown, book, and flashlights in the backseat. After a windy spring morning that felt more like autumn, temps were warming up and I cranked open the sunroof. As I drove away from the campus, for a short time I felt like I was twenty-two again, graduating at the end of the week. Classes were over and a new phase was beginning. I relived my carefree youth, except for one thing.  In the back of my mind, I had one nagging, annoyingly grown up thought:

"Am I supposed to get this thing dry cleaned before Friday?"

Stimula-ting Mail

We received an official-looking piece of mail.  Written in red, stand-out letters were these words:

Understanding Your Economic Stimulus Payment

Did we get a check?" my husband asked.

I actually thought we'd already received our payment, that it had been included with the direct deposit made with my federal return. I was a bit confused. With all the talk lately about "Economic Stimulus Payments," I lost track of what was actually going on.

We opened the letter, like so many other eager Americans, and read these words.

"You are entitled to an economic stimulus payment of $X."

A little more than I thought, which is good, I said.

"You can expect payment by such-and-such a date."

Oh, didn't know that.

"What You Need to Do."

Basically, nothing.

As a writer of all things eclectic, but particularly an expert on the art of the business message, I'm always amazed by the disparity between the media headlines enticing us to believe the economic stimulus payment is the best thing since sliced bread, and these archaic, emotionless pieces of paper that come to us in the mail from government officials with a serious tone and passive voice rhetoric. The flatness glazes us over and renders us motionless as we absorb the nothingness of its contents.

Wouldn't it be better to get a letter that declared boldly on the outside, "Good News Inside!" with a smiley face next to it?

Then as a more uplifting salutation, "Congratulations. As part of a collaborative effort to jumpstart our economy, your government is pleased to provide you with this wonderful bonus refund for being such a good taxpayer during the year."

And maybe end with a, "Thanks for everything you do to help keep America full speed ahead."

Hey, I'm not knocking the Economic Stimulus Payment.  It's always nice to get money you did not expect. However, like most people (according to the countless polls) we're not planning to go out and spend our windfall on another flat screen television or ipod. No, like most others we'll probably pay off a bill. Or put it into savings. Or fill a tank with gas.

An Economic Stimulus Payment isn't going to change the world. But if receiving that piece of paper in the mail reminds us all that each and every one of us has to change how we live -- that we can choose to drive more fuel efficient cars, or maybe bike to the grocery store, or better plan errands so we do more driving less miles, or recycle more goods....if our habits truly change as a result of receiving our government bonus....then we'll be back in better shape than ever before.

But if we just cash the check and spend it, nothing will change.  And therein lies the importance of delivering the right message.

Mother's Day Ponderings

Here's the funny thing about the days I affectionately call "Hallmark holidays." They set up expectations that life will take a time out to be perfect because a calendar tells us they should be -- and then we live through guilt if anything goes asunder. 

Take, for example, Mother's Day.  Somehow as a mother I always feel like I'm supposed to transform into this Stepford-like woman for 24-hours on that third Sunday of May-- so if , say, I lose it with my kids when they don't listen or have to revert to my "stop it right now or you lose PS2" litany to halt their whining or bickering, I spend the rest of the day on a massive guilt trip.

Don't get me wrong.  I had a nice Mother's Day.  I got to sleep until 9:30. My kids gave me SingStar 90 and my husband presented me with the warm vanilla bath products I covet.  I belted out Black Hole Sun and You Can't Touch This at the top of my lungs while feeling smooth-skinned and smelling nice. We all went to see Speed Racer.

But I had my moments when life just didn't cooperate with the calendar.  Yes, I was cranky on Mother's Day.  Allergies were driving me crazy, I was crampy, and the kids were occassionally whiney.  But somehow at the end of the day, they still seemed to love me despite my human-ness. And as I sang Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head to each (part of our bedtime ritual) I knew I was doing ok as a mom -- and with kids as good as mine, maybe even doing great.

I'm a writer and mother who happens to write a lot about my children.  My literary heroes, to whom I strive to be in their company, are writers like Jean Kerr and Erma Bombeck.  They all knew this was not an easy gig, but captured the essence of motherhood with humor and grace.  I continuously strive to do so with my words and spirit.

In celebration of mother's day, some of my favorite quotes  about motherhood. Included are a couple from those grande dames of the written word, Kerr and Bombeck:

"My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it." Mark Twain

"Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it. " ~Jean Kerr

"I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: "Check out time is 18 years." Erma Bombeck

"Mothers are the most instinctive philosophers." Harriet Beecher Stowe

"Motherhood is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible." Marion C. Garretty

"I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids." Unknown

"A mother understands what a child does not say." Jewish Proverb

To all you mothers out there, hope you had a happy day.

Holy Roller!

Dale Davis has brought new meaning to the term, "blind faith."

Davis, a 78-year-old bowler from Alta, Iowa, "scored a perfect 300 game," according to an article I read this morning on CNN.com. Thing is, Davis is blind. An avid bowler earlier in his life, he gave up the sport when he lost his sight years ago. But, thanks to his sister, he rediscovered the game and now plays six a week. A perfect game has been a long-time goal.

I can't count a perfect game among my lofty goals.  As far as bowling is concerned, I'm happy to just  inch into the triple digits when I play. Most times my kids beat me by a very comfortable margin and they've had a lot time in their lives to practice.

We don't have to be bowling fanatics to learn a lesson from Davis. Put away all the self-help books; this guy has goal setting down to a science. He assumed when he first lost his sight that his desire to bowl a perfect score would never happen. Instead, he mustered all the hutzpah he had in him and instead figured out a way to navigate the alleys by finding the raised dots on the lanes and using his hearing to do the rest.

Now Davis aims to bowl his second perfect game by the time he's 90.

Sometimes even though we can see clearly what's in front of us, our fears about change and what lies ahead can blind us to our own ambitions. It's a lot easier to find the excuses for why we can't do something than to figure out how we can do it but in a different way. Davis was ready to let something like eyesight keep him from the sport he loved; however, with encouragement from a sibling he did not let go of his passion but figured out a different way to keep it in his life. Davis did not give up on goals because he was blind; instead he found an alternate way to meet them.

My friend and MFA colleague, Carmen, posted a great quote on her blog, Creative Kindling. It was from Anais Nin and goes -- "And the day came/when the risk to remain tight in a bud/became more painful/than the risk it took to blossom."

At 78 years of age, and with the inability to see what's in front of him, Dale Davis continues to clearly see the road ahead of him, move forward confidently, and blossom.

Just for a moment, maybe we should all close our eyes to invite in the darkness so we might see the blossoming bud of our true potential.

Walkabout

Ever since spring has made it's appearance , I've been faithful to my daily "walkabout" the neighborhood. 

Around noon, I put on my walking shoes and do a 1 to 1-1/2 mile trek.  The path leads me down hills that I then must come back up.  I feel the burn in my calves and the pull in my hamstrings, as well as the sun on my face and the fresh air in my lungs. It's good to be part of the great outdoors, at least for a half hour midday.

I'm not adverse to walking outdoors in the winter months. But more often than not -- given older bones that seem to chill from the inside out much faster than in my younger days; the shorter, darker days; and just plain hibernation instincts -- I usually end up on the elliptical during the long, dreary days between January and March. I love the elliptical, but I definitely miss my daily dose of Vitamin D and fresh air.

So when the temperatures turn warmer, I need to get outside.  In fact, my kids have put me in the habit of an after dinner walk, giving me a double dose of outdoor exercise most days.

Did you take a walkabout today? Or did you stay stuck at your desk, breathing fresh air only through the sun roof on your way home from work?

Getting out to walk isn't as hard as it seems. Try these ideas to get moving:

• Set a simple goal to get started.  Set a distance and pace that works for you. Build up your speed as you get more comfortable.
• Choose some alternative routes to keep from getting bored. Every so often I like to go to the nearby lake and do the walking trail for a couple of loops. Or I do my route in reverse for a change of pace.
• Use a walk as an excuse for family time. Talk, share, and bond with each step. You'll be amazed by the things that kids come up with when the conversation is more relaxed and less rushed. And you'll be setting them up with a healthy habit that will last a lifetime.
• Aim for consistency. Walk everyday and you will notice a difference.

Even if you're type-A, ultra competitive, you don't need to train for the Olympic fun walk to benefit from walking.  Just find time to walk - every day - and quickly you'll be feeling better and doing something good for yourself.  Of course, as with any exercise program, make sure you check with your doctor or health care professional.

Walkabouts were for the aborigines a spiritual trek, a journey that represented a passage of time. You, too, can get into the spirit of walking by just experiencing the neighborhood right outside your door.

A Mother's Pot of Gold

April showers bring May flowers...except when it comes to those darned dandelions. They always seem to find a way to poke their heads out of the earth at the first sign of beautiful weather, and stubbornly stake their claim in the soil I'd rather see blanketed with green lawn.

But despite their reputation as pesty weeds and unwelcome visitors to us grown up folks,  somehow the stubborn, persistent dandelion is a favorite among the children. And what mother does not covet the times her young children bring her a fistful of the yellow flowerheads, bursting as brightly as the sun on a summer's day?

My first dandelion bouquet of the season was given to me this weekend as we enjoyed unseasonably warm temperatures on the east coast. My seven-year-old son bound across the front lawn, racing toward me with the biggest grin on his face, hands holding onto his treasure for dear life.

"Here, mommy, to the most beautiful woman in the whole world." (Yes, he really says these things, although I know there will come a day...")

I took the flowers (?) and thanked him profusely.

"I know just where I'm going to put these," I told him.

We marched inside and I took out the special "mommy's pot" that was given to me by my colleague, Liz, when I had my first child.  As she explained, the mommy pot -- about the size of my thumb -- was for all those bunches of wild flowers my children would proudly bring to me over the years. In truth, the mommy pot has probably been the most used item I ever received as a baby gift. It's tiny cavity has been filled countless times with two tablespoon of water and lots of stems.

We put the bright yellow display on the kitchen windowsill. When I look at it, this simple little mommy pot, I always smile as I think of old friends, growing up children, and the new memories that are made with every change of the season.

A Message to Miley Cyrus

The teen celebrity buzz this week goes to....Miley Cyrus.  No surprises here.  As we've read ad nauseum in the media Miley is feeling a bit embarrassed by some photos of her in Vanity Fair this week.  And like Ashley Tisdale's nose job, I'm not quite sure how I'm feeling about this.

Like most moms protecting their children from a world gone mad on teen celebrity shenanigans, I've been holding out hope that Miley would be our "messiah."  Level-headed, with parents who seem to be paying attention, I want to believe Miley could be the one who avoids the trappings of the 21st century young and famous, that she can come through the mania a somewhat normal, smart, together girl.

So when I read the buzz about "the pictures," I had to check them out. OK, one's a bit provocative.  But this is Vanity Fair, for goodness sake.  And Annie Liebowitz was in charge of the camera.  If it weren't for the world's obsession with Lindsay, Brittany, Jaime Lynn, Vanessa, and Ashley, I'm not sure this would have made such a splash. Ten years ago we probably wouldn't have even known about it unless we subscribed to Vanity Fair.

Let's put it this way.  I'd rather come across Miley in these photos in Vanity Fair than, say, posted on a website in a negligee. Or hear about a videotape of her after dark exploits available for $29.99.  Or see her on television, while sitting with my family,  looking wasted in the back seat of a car on Entertainment Tonight.

So here's my message to Miley:

Miley, the photos are fine; you made a business decision to take the pictures and, given the publication, should have known what you were getting into.  So you did it.  Now be proud of the pics. But don't give into the media by proclaiming embarrassment. These pictures aren't going to ruin my children's futures.  They're not going to set a bad example for them.  They've seen much worse on the front page of the newspaper or in magazines stored in our bathroom rack. Quite frankly, they don't read Vanity Fair anyway. And we don't subscribe.

Just please, PLEASE avoid the drugs, alcohol, clubbing, teen pregnancies, and everything else that causes me a lot more trouble when I have to explain them to my kids. We know you're young and will make some mistakes.  Like all of us, you'll trip here and there along the way as you make your way to adulthood.  Whether or not you stay in the public eye, keep your wits about you. Keep it all in perspective. And don't let us down. We're counting on you.

Miley, we still believe. Please don't let us down.

Happy Earth Day!

The big day is finally here!  Earth Day 2008.  Events have been taking place all weekend.  People are paying extra special attention to our planet, at least for one day. 

Close to home, on the way to the bus stop today, I spotted an empty beer can tossed in our woods (sigh.)

Although there wasn't a bombardment of ideas for the First Ever Eclectic Writer Early Earth Day Reader Challenge, we did receive a few great responses from some of our dedicated readers and blog friends. For example, Colleen shared this thought:

"I like your idea of putting trash cans out at neighborhood bus stops and other places where groups of people congregate. Of course, the trash collection companies would need to cooperate with that, but I don't think it would be too difficult to add a few more stops to their route. Innsbruck, Austria, had NO problem with garbage on their streets or in the woods. I think part of that was because they stressed recycling so much. (you were fined if you didn't put your trash in the right container) But also, they had wastebaskets set up at every bus stop, on corners and also attached to the poles of streetsigns.

I said it before, but I'm going to say it again because I REALLY like this idea: use your own shopping basket or canvas bags when shopping, instead of taking the plastic or paper bags from stores. Think of how much that would save!"

Another dear blog friend and reader from across the pond, Louise, had this to say:

"Good for you, Anne! There is a stretch of road near where I live in the UK with a bit of woodland that regularly has food wrappers and drink cartons along the side of the road and it is where parents wait in cars to pick up their kids from the local school - wrong at so many levels!

Raising awareness is key - for example we have a new recycling policy for the refuse collection which nobody really liked when it was introduced - our bins are emptied only once every two weeks. However, I have been surprised just how much of my refuse now goes into the new recycling bin. Just having to think about separating recyclable from non-recyclable waste has made me much more conscious of packaging and how much stuff I personally throw away."

My mother shared these ideas by email:

"When using the car. please take a bag [any kind] to have in the car should you stop for coffee. food. or anything that you plan to eat on the GO! Then, when you finish, you could put it back into the mentioned bag instead of throwing it out the window and cluttering the neighborhood you are driving through!"

I also liked another idea she shared with me by phone. She makes it a habit to walk around her front yard once a week to collect any litter that's been tossed.  Doing it weekly keeps the property clean and gives her a chance to get outside and get some exercise!

Here's a few more ideas from yours truly:

• Hang a bag in the back seat of the car between the kids' seats so they can automatically toss their happy meal trash in the garbage. This will help prevent stray straw papers and napkins from flying out of the car and onto the street as they get in and out of the car.
• Incorporate "green chores" into your children's regular helping duties. For example, have them take responsibility for emptying the trash from the car or separating out their recyclables when they finish with a can or plastic bottle. Give "eco" points for jobs well-done that can be saved up for a special treat or outing.

Most importantly, set an example through your actions and behaviors EVERY DAY, not just on Earth Day. Putting trash in the right place and picking up after ourselves is simply civilized behavior that demonstrates respect to all living creatures.  Tossing trash out the window of the car, dropping garbage on the sidewalk instead of carrying it home or placing it in a trash bin, or refusing to recycle is just sheer laziness and slovenly behavior. There is no excuse for it and there should be no tolerance for it.

Instead of just participating in Earth Day, use it as a starting point to make your year-long commitment to keeping trash off the streets and out of the woods and helping our neighborhoods stay clean.